dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
