Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
