I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
