Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
