There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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