Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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