So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
