24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
