i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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