Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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