Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
