i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize