dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
