it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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