Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
