mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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