Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
