dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
