I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize