I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
