you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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