Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
