Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
