so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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