Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
