i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
