you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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