remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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