You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
