If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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