He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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