Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
