it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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