I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
