If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
