i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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