Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
