I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
