Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
