Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
