She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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