I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am available for nakedness
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
