mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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