I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
