Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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