Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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