We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
