Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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