I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
