I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
