how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
