textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
