Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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