Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
that may or may not have been my penis.
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