well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
