ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
