I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
