everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He passed out mid-signature
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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