What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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