Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
