She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
