connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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