I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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