Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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