I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
