OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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