Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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