i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
