the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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