Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
