12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The adults are the big ones right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
