I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
