She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
