End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
